Pony Patrol

'''Mucking Around—With Muk! Pony Patrol Papers'''

Pre-adventure tidbits… Wondering what everyone has been up to, of late? Never fear! Here’s the lowdown on Haven happenings. While Alton and Ekenir were out on fabulously exciting adventures, Eggavish, in true Egg fashion, was expanding his knowledge of carpentry. We now have the Krogre grocery outlet thanks to those efforts! Well done! Kallax was busy getting the magnificent dagger I bestowed on him (a treasure I discovered in the goblin-infested mines) appraised. We should all be excited to learn that this dagger is a momentous find—it’s literally a momentum dagger, a weapon that will prove quite useful in exploring this island! Radavel spent some time squawking with Kwaa, working on the designs of some very fitting scale mail. I can’t wait to see him in this new outfit! He also learned that the rare ingot he found (another spoil from the mines) can be forged into very brittle but sharp forms. Good to keep in mind! Meanwhile, I have been spending some time attempting to decode the Dwarven language native to this land. This is a work in progress, but may come in handy when encountering ancient Dwarven ghosts. Hopefully they will be more conversational than the last one! Oh, and along with a handful of others, I was able to get an elevator operational in the first mine shaft. Can’t wait to make use of it in further explorations!

Now for the Pony Patrol adventure! I’m sure you are all wondering about how we befriended the magnificent beast known as Applehoof. But, I get ahead of myself…

Armed with apples (great idea Alton!) and oats (smart thinking, Egg!) and a bridle or two, we set off towards the mines in the hopes of encountering potential beasts of burden worthy of domestication, friendship, and pets (the verb and the noun!). We suspected, based on the fascinating hoof prints detected near the mines in our previous explorations, that a horse-like creature might be native to this land. Given the curious (and honestly, frightening) spike-shaped indentation in the prints, we also approached this mission with some trepidation. Would these unknown equine beauties want to skewer us with their hooves?!

Back near the mines, we did again see the spikey prints of our quarry. So, we headed in a north-east direction, to some magnificent rolling plains. Progress across the plains was slowed by the need to push our trusty handcart. But, seduced by the idea of having a four- (or six, as it were) legged friend bring it back loaded with prizes of the land, we proceeded onward.

We followed the tracks until Kallax, with those keen eyes of his, spotted a small structure in one of the valleys tucked in the rolling plains. The earth around what turned out to be the ruins of a small house was churned up, as if by some creature. And, what a creature it was! As we explored these ruins, an eight-foot tall cockroach with some features of an ant attacked us! This monstrous AntRoach did not like being stabbed, burned, and caressed with my cold finger, and summoned some friends to rip us to shreds. Luckily for us, AntRoaches are mortal, and most of the oversized vermin fell to our might. One of the brutes escaped deep into the earth from which it came.

While Alton dissected an AntRoach to explore its stomach contents, Egg cleverly collected a vial of some of its stomach acid, for future study. I busted off and pocketed an antenna. (One never knows when such a prize might come in handy!)

After dispatching the vile bugs, we continued north following tracks and traces of the spike-hooves. We found ourselves in a hilly area, and a most curious discovery was made by Egg, who apparently has the eyes of the sharpest eagle. In the valley between two hills was, protruding from the hillside, a gear! And the gear was spinning! How wonderful! This gear was the size of a humanoid head and moving at a great rate. And, even more exciting, there was another one just a few feet away. How curious! While Egg ripped the first gear from its mount, Alton lifted the other away with his trusty mage hand. And, that’s when the real trouble began!

All of a sudden, there was an explosion of rocks that came tumbling down the hillside! Alton, Egg, and Rad were separated from Ekenir, Kallax and myself! How horrible! Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted none other than the island’s dreaded goblins! And, to make matters worse, the little brutes were pelting us with arrows. I was hit before I could even utter a warning, and then another arrow rendered me unconscious. The next thing I knew, I awoke to a scene of mass carnage: the valley and hillside were littered with goblin corpses! (Thanks again, Ekenir, for preventing me from bleeding out! Who knew Ekenir was a field medic?  I didn’t!)

A quick search of the goblins produced a gold coin (one in each of their arms?!) and a wanted sign with Egg’s handsome face on it! How terrible! These feisty goblins really do have a vendetta against my brainy friend! The goblins were also decorated with iron bracelets. I pocketed these baubles for future study, as they were covered with Dwarven writing.

The goblins had a camp set up in the valley, and we took advantage of their hospitality (a joke!) by preparing for a well-deserved rest. We sang songs to the accompaniment of AntRoach carapace drums (my idea!) and frittered the night away. Then we settled in for the night.

Our rest was short-lived! We were awakened by the most horrific scream that I had ever heard and hope to hear! We heard inhuman wails and a bizarre crackling sound, and then a massive blue dragon was suddenly flying right at our valley hideaway!! Alton quickly kicked out our campfire and we all dove for cover. There wasn’t much to be had in this valley!

In our terror, we realized the dragon was not trying to make a snack of us, but was falling from the sky! Poor thing! It landed with a terrible thud that sent dust, dirt, and detritus into the air! Something smaller suddenly appeared in the sky, pursuing the fallen dragon. Who or what would do that?!? Kallax, the stealthiest of the group, went to find out. And what he saw was shocking (literally and figuratively!). What appeared to be a humanoid was brutally assaulting the injured blue dragon. This figure had a jewel-encrusted (so regal!), rune-etched (intriguing!), bronze-clawed (very sharp!) gauntlet on its hand, and was using this to send searing lightning bolts into the dragon! It was also used to stab the ailing dragon to death! And then, as suddenly as this mystery figure arrived, it departed, with the aid of a jet-pack! Just flew away! And, mercy on us, thankfully it did not spy us or Kallax!

After the departure of the brutal killing machine (maybe it’s not organic?!) we all took a gander at the massacred blue dragon. We each tried to get a memento from it, and excitingly I walked away with three (yes, three!) dragon teeth! Egg cut a section of leathery wing to study, and recovered part of a metal rod that had been launched into the dragon. This rod contained poison, and surely was a crucial factor in the dragon’s downfall (a pun!).

We had so much excitement that day that we needed a great, long rest!

The next morning, we proceeded to follow the spikey hoof marks out of the goblin valley. The marks led us to another awful scene: a few Dwarves had been brutally murdered on the plains, their crumpled bodies strewn next to the wagon that they were pulling. These Dwarves were recently dispatched, and it appeared that they had been robbed! Who would do this?!? They were older gentlemen, too. So sad! And their wares, in the cart, were also smashed, at least those that were not taken. How wasteful! Egg did manage to find two wonderful bottles that were intact, and they each contained one resting draught! I sure could have used one of those after my near-death at the hands of those goblins!

We quickly moved on from this gruesome scene, and eventually spied our quarry. Turns out, these horses (as they are, for all intents and purposes, horses) have six magnificent legs instead of four! Amazing! Alton attempted first contact with our spikey friends, and they proved very distrustful of us. Most ran for their lives, but an injured horse had no choice but to speak with Alton. This creature we healed and fed our apples and oats. He sure did love those apples! Though not sure of us (especially me, which he referred to as a lizard of all things!), this poor horse felt abandoned by his friends and decided to join our ranks. We were the family he needed! We called him Applehoof, due to his fondness of rosy red apples. Applehoof has a bad leg (well, at least he has five good ones!) and does not want to pull carts. But, he will be a great friend and make Haven more lively.

One thing that I learned from Applehoof on the way back to Haven was that his injuries and distrust of humanoids is due to attacks by those pesky goblins! How dare they hurt my six-legged friend! I feel like we need to head back to those mines and give those goblins an ultimatum!

We did not get a lot of spoils on our trip (though we did take back the deceased Dwarves’ cart laden with AntRoach corpses), but Applehoof made the effort worth it!

--Alton's Footnotes of Flavorless

This venture was very disappointing flavorwise. We did determine the that delicious apples our local grocer is supplying are great and we introduced them to the local wildlife for success. The only other thing of note foodwise is that we discovered a goblin camp and I got to see the horrid mess that they consider food; terrible slop not even fit for the prisoners of St. Ramedar! I can' believe they eat this sort of filth. I half feel sorry for them and half feel that they should be put our of their misery for crimes against the culinary world.

--Eggavish's Appendix

I (Egg) submit to the report a copy of the wanted poster with my face that was retrieved from the goblins. The image appears to suggest a strategy for capture - a net thrown over Egg. See Figure A1.